Okay maybe not entirely true, but it’s a very important and crucial skill that will allow you to get past many barriers. Specifically I’m talking about clear communication in a marriage, and well before the marriage. It applies to every type of relationship though, from friendships to business partners. Besides the obvious, a lot of us tend to misinterpret what good communication is. It’s not only speaking clearly and to the point, but much more than that. It’s communicating without assumptions and without concern.

I recently returned from a weekend in Santa Barbara with my Fiance for an “Engaged Encounter.” It is a Catholic requirement in order to get married in a church. *Just a little note: I’m not Catholic and my Fiance is. This presents some challenges in the distant future and difference in perspectives.

I had thought my communication was clear and very good before, and it was, but I had my assumptions and my concerns and acted based on them. This didn’t always end very well and caused a few arguments from time to time. At the Engaged Encounter, Michi and I were given an opportunity to put it all on the table and clear our assumptions. The environment was very supportive of this, being both structured yet intimate. The details and the meat of it was shared only between the couples, while the structure was ran by some amazing couples. Communicating openly and clearly like this has really allowed us to be free from worry and concerns about the future, about the present and about what’s important to us. Our relationship is much richer and we are both happier with our choices and decisions.

Assumptions and misinterpretation is the key to set backs and things not working. On the flip side, that means that clear communication reduces the chance of failure and will remove a huge barrier between you and happiness.

Think about it. How many times have you gotten in a fight or disagreement or butt heads and hours or days later resolve the issue because it was a misinterpretation somewhere along the lines? When you put everything on the table about what you expect, what you feel, what your concerns are, then you are more likely to be able to discuss things on an even plane and be on the same page as each other.

Many couples don’t go through this process and end up unhappy and, even worse, divorced or separated. All of this because they were on different pages and assuming different things. For example, the way each person thinks money should be spent, how to spend free time, etc…

It was a very good experience for us to put everything on the table like that. I like to compare it to a business merger. Two companies merging together put everything out on the table, do their due diligence and make sure they both agree on the terms. No room for assumption, no room for misinterpretation.

Where has communication been your key to success or lack of communication been your downfall? Post in the comments below.